


all the quiet nights you bear

by Ethereally



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: A Study on Yuri Leclerc and Physical Intimacy, Cuddling, Fluff, M/M, Pre Relationship, Sharing a Bed, past sexual trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23100286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ethereally/pseuds/Ethereally
Summary: Every shared smile, every gentle kiss is something that Yuri has chosen for himself. He'll choose this again, and again, if he has to, if it means getting to feel this strange warmth in his chest.Ashe and Yuri share a bed, and soft kisses, in the middle of the war.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc
Comments: 8
Kudos: 74
Collections: Valentine's Day Lockers 2020





	all the quiet nights you bear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thir13enth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thir13enth/gifts).



Warmth flickers from the lamp on Ashe's bedside table, filling the room with dim light. Beside it lies a few library books, and a pair of glasses that Ashe uses for reading; Yuri almost knocks them off as he scrambles onto his friend's bed. He's not normally this clumsy, but there's a bundle of nerves inside his gut that he can't seem to quell no matter how hard he tries. Thankfully, Ashe doesn't seem to notice, and he drops his bow on the wooden floor before collapsing onto his bed with a loud thud. Yuri laughs.

“Someone's eager.”

Ashe grimaces. “Aren't you? It's so cold outside.” He shucks his cat-print socks before crawling under the navy blue blanket. Even if it's been five years since their shared school days (and seven since Yuri's own), there's something about being back in Garreg Mach's collegiate setting that's comforting. The world might be on fire and Faerghus might be crushed in the iron fist of war, but this is warm, familiar, and a brief respite. Yuri nods, tucking himself in underneath the sheets as well, snuggling up next to Ashe.

He shifts in the sheets, struggling to find a comfortable position. Much as Yuri hates to admit it, it's almost poetic, how they're pressed up against each other. There's something to be said for the number of times he and Ashe have been shoved together by life's harsh currents and then promptly pulled apart, only to find each other once again. Someone more idealistic might call this destiny, or fate. Yuri never believed in platitudes like that, but Ashe's presence is almost enough to make him have faith; he's a bright spot in the path of darkness that Yuri pledged to walk so long ago, and now that they're back together, he can't help but want to bask in Ashe's light.

After all, who knows how long this reunion will last? Will they be torn apart cruelly by the specter of war once and for all, or will they see this through to the end together? Yuri's always been cynical, but he's confident in his ability to somehow scrape his way out of every situation. It isn't as though Ashe isn't a fighter in his own right, but Yuri knows how the stories go: it would be very much like Ashe to sacrifice himself for the greater good, to do the noble thing and go down fighting. Yuri chomps down, hard, on the inside of his mouth.

He can't be thinking like this. He's got to believe that they'll make it through.

Besides, Ashe is here with him now, warm and wiry and so, so alive in a way that Yuri has never been. There's a blinding radiance in the way Ashe beams at Yuri, and he reaches for Yuri's hand, giving it an earnest squeeze. Yuri smiles back somewhat nervously at Ashe, playing with his fingers. This isn't the type of intimacy that he's used to, not when he's more familiar with false flattery and fleeting dalliances and clothes falling to the floor. Yuri's not sure he's ever spent a chilly winter cuddling with someone he'd consider a friend.

Ashe rests his head against Yuri's chest, humming a familiar tune, perhaps something he'd learned from a merchant back when they were both on the streets. Yuri's lived in house after house throughout his life, but it's only in the embrace of his mother that he's felt like he was at home-- yet Ashe manages to come close without even truly trying. Yuri begins to stroke Ashe's hair, just like he knows lovers are supposed to do. The motion is unfamiliar, but not wholly unpleasant, and a part of Yuri can't help but feel like he could get used to this. Ashe closes his eyes, grinning like a cat who'd gotten into fresh cream, and there's a strange, fluttering sensation in Yuri's chest that's simultaneously tantalizing and terrifying.

“There's plenty more where that came from,” Yuri whispers, and he's not sure if he's speaking to Ashe, or to himself. Ashe laughs, sitting up straight. He turns around to face Yuri, gaze earnest, questing, as he leans in closer.

“I... I've been thinking about something.”

Yuri raises an eyebrow. “Aren't you always? What's up?”

The next words spill from Ashe's mouth so quickly, Yuri's surprised he doesn't stumble on them.

“I'dliketokissyou.”

Yuri thinks about teasing Ashe for a split second. The words _I'll consider it_ are at the tip of his tongue, followed by _what's in it for me_? Yet Yuri can't bear to speak either of those phrases. He's done plenty of considering, and the answer is the same every time; he knows what's in for himself, which is affection the likes of which he's never known before. Yuri clenches the sheets on Ashe's bed, finally settling on the right words to say.

“Go for it.”

Ashe nods, scrambling to his knees and crushing his lips against Yuri's in a passionate embrace.

They'd kissed each other before, once. Ashe had been waxing lyrical about wanting his first kiss to be with someone special, and Yuri had winked and said to call him if he was interested. What Yuri hadn't expected was for Ashe to suddenly be reduced to a blushing, stuttering mess. Ashe, bright red, had somehow managed to spit it out: he did, indeed, have Yuri in mind when he'd talked about kissing, but he wasn't going to do it if it wouldn't mean anything to Yuri, too. And perhaps it was uncharacteristic rashness, or it was the urgency of impending war, but either way, Yuri had leaned in and brushed their lips together.

It had just been for a split second. This time is completely different.

Ashe and him fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, fingers lacing into one another's as Yuri deepens the kiss. If this had been anyone else, Yuri would be certain that they were lying about having never done this earlier. But this is _Ashe_ they're talking about, Ashe, who would feel guilty about taking three slices of bread from the dining hall instead of two-- and he has the clear signs of a beginner, tongue pushing against Yuri's lips with too much pressure, fingers fumbling into his hair. _It's because Ashe is different_ , a voice whispers at the back of Yuri's mind, _He's especially dear to you._

That's a level of intimacy that Yuri isn't quite ready to consider. Yuri takes a deep breath, pulling away to cup Ashe's face in his hand. Perhaps he'll get there some day: he certainly hopes so, for Ashe's sake. But for now, he's content existing in the space between friends and lovers, just two people so wrapped up in each other that too much is scarcely enough. He presses his nose against Ashe's, smiling. Ashe blinks back at him, green eyes glazed over with wonder.

“Are you all right?”

Yuri nods. “I'm fine,” he says, and for once he actually means it. There's no need to rush through this, after all. Ashe has told him time and time again that they can take this at whatever pace they need. And for Yuri, it means taking space to actually figure things out, to slowly digest that someone could actually want him for more than his pretty face and practiced charm. Ashe nods, before leaning in, capturing Yuri's lips once again with his. His movements are slow and tentative, touches delicate as he snakes a hand underneath Yuri's shirt, exploring. Yuri shifts into Ashe's touch, letting out a gentle gasp when Ashe skims a hand against his stomach. He knows the next steps to this dance. Ashe is supposed to take his clothes off, piece by piece, and then Yuri will be soft and pliant to his whims, a toy for Ashe to do whatever he wills with-- but then again, Ashe has never been one to follow traditional footwork.

 _We're just kissing_ , Yuri reminds himself, and he laces his fingers into Ashe's hair. There's no need to catastrophize, no reason to believe that this will go the way of every encounter he's ever had. In Ashe's hands Yuri is more than just a pretty porcelain doll. He wants all of Yuri, Ashe had pleaded a few days ago, wants his hurt, his anger, even his tears. And some day, he hopes that Yuri will want all of Ashe in return, even the parts he can barely bring himself to confess to the Goddess at night.

Ashe bends down, beginning to press soft kisses against Yuri's neck. His hand remains firmly at Yuri's waist, and Yuri can't help but wonder if this “some day” might come sooner rather than later. It's an awful lot of trust that he's putting in the hands of a single person. Yuri closes his eyes, swatting the voice in his head away so he can relax and enjoy this moment. It's just Yuri and Ashe in here, and neither of them are going to hurt him. Perhaps it would do Yuri some good to break down the walls he's placed around himself. With Ashe around, he's not sure he has a choice.

Only it _is_ a choice.

Every shared smile, every gentle kiss is something that Yuri has chosen for himself, and he'll choose this again, and again, and again if it means getting to feel this strange warmth in his chest. Yuri wraps an arm around Ashe's back, pulling him closer down towards him. Perhaps there's something to be said about reframing intimacy as something he can claim for himself, rather than a means to an end, but he's got to be the one to make that decision for himself. Maybe through love, he can finally take back the agency that's been snatched away from him-- that was taken from him by Count Rowe who remolded him and changed his name, then by Aelfric and Lady Rhea, who sent him plummeting into Abyss for the hope she'd keep his mother alive. For once, he gets to choose, and he's decided to choose this, choose love, choose _Ashe_.

Ashe holds Yuri's heart in his hands, and he doesn't even know it. But maybe that isn't such a bad thing.

A small smile flickers on Yuri's lips, and Ashe frowns. “What's on your mind?” he asks.

Yuri shakes his head, kissing Ashe's forehead in response. That should suffice for an answer.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact i was already working on this when you wrote me the yuriashe giftfic and i didn't want to spoil you. <3 i hope you like it
> 
> find me at @gautired on twitter, and feel free to [rt](https://twitter.com/gautired/status/1245450233963614208) this fic if you enjoyed it! thank you for reading.


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